分享— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more grammatically accurate and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, reduce repetition, and correct tense and countable noun errors (e.g., 'stationery' not 'stationaries'; 'they taught us' not 'they teach us'). Add one specific short example to enrich the answer.

示例: Yes, my parents taught me to share as a child. For example, with three siblings I learned to share stationery and school books, which helped create a friendly home atmosphere and taught me cooperation.

建议: Reduce hesitations and organize answer into two clear parts: non-personal items you share and personal items you don't. Use correct word forms (e.g., 'emotions', 'ideas') and finish your sentence. Provide 2–3 specific examples and a brief reason.

示例: I usually share emotions and ideas with others because discussing feelings helps me get support. However, I avoid sharing personal items like my phone or toothbrush for hygiene and privacy reasons. I do share books and sometimes money with close friends.

建议: Cut fillers and speak more fluently. Give a clear topic sentence, group items (toothbrushes, combs, phones) and give concise reasons (hygiene, privacy). Use plural forms correctly and avoid comma splices.

示例: Personal items like toothbrushes, combs and mobile phones are not suitable for sharing because of hygiene concerns and privacy — especially with strangers.

建议: Clarify what you shared and use past tense correctly. Avoid vague phrases like 'I will call that'. Give one clear recent example with a brief result. Reduce hesitations and correct grammar (e.g., 'shared my ideas', 'it helped reduce stress').

示例: About a month ago I shared my ideas during a team meeting to solve a work problem; our discussion produced a clear solution and helped reduce my stress. I also lent some books to a friend last month.

建议: Be concise and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence and give one specific reason or brief example why you share good news with your husband. Use plural/singular agreement correctly ('one of the first people').

示例: I'd share good news with my husband first because he always has my back and I trust his reaction. For example, when I got a promotion last year, he was the first person I told and he celebrated with me.

建议: Avoid prefatory phrases like 'I have to answer your question.' Begin with a topic sentence that summarizes and then give 2–3 specific types of news. Use correct grammar ('weaknesses', 'ideas', 'helps me relieve stress') and concise phrasing.

示例: With close friends I share personal news such as successes, weaknesses and problems. For example, I tell them about achievements, ask for advice when I face difficulties, and sharing like this helps me relieve stress.

× They teach us to share lots of things.

✓ They taught us to share many things.

The question asks about childhood (past) so the verb should be in the past tense. Use 'taught' (past of 'teach') and prefer 'many' with countable plural 'things'.

× For instance, we learn how to share our stationaries and also papers with each other during that time.

✓ For instance, we learned how to share our stationery and papers with each other at that time.

The speaker refers to the past, so use past tense 'learned'. 'Stationery' is an uncountable noun (not 'stationaries'). Use 'at that time' or 'during that time' but keep past tense consistent.

× The other thing that I like to mention is that I had three siblings, so we had to share lots of things with each other and it produced a joyful atmosphere.

✓ The other thing I would like to mention is that I had three siblings, so we had to share many things with each other and it created a joyful atmosphere.

Use 'would like to mention' for polite phrasing and conditional reference. 'Lots of things' can be changed to 'many things' for formality. 'Produced' is grammatically possible but 'created' is more natural here. Keep past tense consistent.

× Uh, actually I like to share, uh, my emotion, my, uh, idea and opinion with others when it comes to my personal item, I don't like to share with them.

✓ Actually, I like to share my emotions, ideas, and opinions with others, but when it comes to my personal items, I don't like to share them.

Use plural forms 'emotions', 'ideas', 'opinions' for general statements. 'Personal item' should be plural 'personal items'. Pronoun 'them' refers back to 'items'. Also join clauses with 'but' for contrast.

× So for instance, I don't like to share my cell phones, my toothbrush and other things, uh, which are really, uh, important for me to share with others.

✓ For instance, I don't like to share my cell phone, my toothbrush, and other personal items that are important to me.

If referring to one person's items, use singular 'cell phone' and 'toothbrush'. Avoid redundant phrasing 'important for me to share with others' — instead 'important to me'.

× But when it comes to books, money, and.

✓ But when it comes to books and money, I don't mind sharing them.

The original sentence is incomplete. Complete the thought by adding what the speaker means: that they don't mind sharing books and money, and include appropriate verb and object.

× As I said, personal items such as the toothbrush Combs are not really, umm, uh, suitable for sharing because, uh, we are worried about uh, the hygiene, uh, so uh, hygiene is a matter for us, uh, when it comes to privacy, we don't like, share our, uh, cell phones to others, especially strangers.

✓ As I said, personal items such as the toothbrush and combs are not really suitable for sharing because we are worried about hygiene. For privacy reasons, we don't like to share our cell phones with others, especially strangers.

Use 'toothbrush and combs' with conjunction and plural. 'Hygiene' does not need 'the'. Use 'share with' not 'share to'. Split into two sentences for clarity and remove filler words.

× Yes, I will call that if I'm not mistaken, it was, uh, one month ago, I shared my idea specific situation with others that we can share different ideas and opinion because it help us to find the solution and also, uh, reduce our stress and it's, uh, emotionally influence us.

✓ Yes, if I'm not mistaken, it was about one month ago. I shared my ideas about a specific situation with others so we could exchange different opinions, which helped us find a solution, reduced our stress, and influenced us emotionally.

Remove incorrect 'I will call that'. Use past tense 'was', 'shared', 'helped', 'reduced', 'influenced'. Use plural 'ideas' and 'opinions'. Use 'so we could exchange' for purpose and combine clauses clearly.

× The other thing that I like to mention, I learned, uh, my, uh, books. I learned my books to others.

✓ Another thing I'd like to mention is that I lent my books to others.

Use 'lent' (past tense of 'lend') to indicate giving books temporarily. 'Learned my books to others' is incorrect; 'lend/lent' is appropriate. 'I'd like to mention' is more natural.

× Frankly speaking, uh, my husband is one of the first person I like to share, uh, with my, uh, news, uh, with him because he always, uh, has my back.

✓ Frankly speaking, my husband is one of the first people I like to share my news with because he always has my back.

Use plural 'people' for 'one of the ...' construction. Place 'with' at end of clause for natural word order. Remove redundant 'with him'.

× And also he, uh, I can rely on him, him and also he, uh, uh, I can trust him.

✓ I can rely on him, and I can trust him.

Avoid repeating the subject pronoun. Use coordinated clauses with 'and'. Keep subject once: 'I can rely on him and trust him.'

× So it's really important for me to share lots of things, especially when it comes to good news, I like to share with him.

✓ So it's really important for me to share many things, especially good news; I like to share that with him.

Use 'many things' for formality. Make sentence structure clearer by separating clauses and specifying 'that' refers to 'good news'.

× I have to answer your question. It really depends on our relationship.

✓ It depends on our relationship.

'I have to answer your question' is unnecessary filler. 'It depends on our relationship' is direct and grammatically correct.

× When it comes to my close friends I like to share lots of thing, for instance my success, my strengths, my weakness with them.

✓ When it comes to my close friends, I like to share many things, for instance my successes, strengths, and weaknesses, with them.

Use plural 'things', 'successes', 'strengths', 'weaknesses' for generality. Add commas for clarity.

× When I have lots of problems I share different idea with them to find a solution and it helped me to relieve my stress.

✓ When I have many problems, I share different ideas with them to find a solution, and it helps me relieve my stress.

Maintain present tense 'have' and present simple 'helps' for habitual action. Use plural 'ideas'. Omit unnecessary 'to' before 'relieve'.

× When I am get lots of success I like to share this emotional.

✓ When I have a lot of success, I like to share this emotion.

'I am get' is incorrect; use 'I have'. 'Lots of success' can be 'a lot of success'. 'Emotional' is an adjective; the noun 'emotion' is needed. Better: 'share this feeling' or 'share my excitement.'