工作— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence then add one or two specific details. Avoid redundancy (e.g., "I work" repeated) and correct small grammar issues (use definite article: "a reputable supermarket"). Use linking words to connect duties (e.g., "so that").

範例: I work at Woolworths, a reputable supermarket in Australia, as a night-fill team member. I mainly restock the freezer section—for example, vegetables and ice cream—so the morning shift can open the store quickly.

建議: Begin with a direct sentence naming the location, then add one or two clear, grammatically correct details. Use correct prepositions and articles ("in Bella Vista", "between Castle Hill and Seven Hills", "there is a metro station near my store").

範例: I work in Bella Vista, which is between Castle Hill and Seven Hills. It’s easy to get to because there’s a metro station close to the store.

建議: Give a focused topic sentence and two clear supporting reasons. Avoid awkward phrases (e.g., "whatsoever I need") and repetition. Improve grammar and cohesion by using linking words (e.g., "because", "also"). Be specific about examples (e.g., staff discount, food court).

範例: Yes, it’s a good place to work because the store is large and I can buy food items for my family after my shift. Also, during breaks I can eat at the food court in the mall next door, which is very convenient.

建議: Start with a direct opinion sentence, then give specific reasons with correct grammar and linking words. Correct subject-verb errors ("the manager is"), and avoid vague phrases ("helpful in each other tasks"). Mention examples of cooperation or flexible scheduling.

範例: Yes, I enjoy working there because my colleagues are cooperative and the manager is polite. For example, he is flexible with shift changes and often approves time off when I request it.

建議: Respond with a clear plan: state your goal, then outline concrete steps. Fix grammar ("I was a pharmacy technician", "I want", "get my qualifications assessed"). Use linking words to sequence steps ("first", "then"). Be specific about what you will do next.

範例: I plan to return to pharmacy work because I was a pharmacy technician in my home country. First, I will get my qualifications recognised here and apply for a skills assessment; then I will enrol in any bridging courses required so I can work as a pharmacy technician in Australia.

× I work at the Woolworths which is reputed supermarket in Australia.

✓ I work at Woolworths, which is a well-known supermarket in Australia.

Use of the definite article 'the' before brand name 'Woolworths' is unnecessary; also missing an article before 'reputed supermarket' and 'reputed' is awkward. Use 'a' before singular countable noun 'supermarket' and 'well-known' is a clearer adjective. Suggestion: omit 'the' when referring to chain names and include 'a' + adjective + noun.

× I work as a night fill team member to restock the freezer section, especially the vegetables and the ice cream and make it convenient for the morning shift person.

✓ I work as a night-fill team member restocking the freezer section, especially the vegetables and ice cream, to make it convenient for the morning shift staff.

'To restock' followed by 'and make' creates an awkward infinitive sequence. Use a gerund 'restocking' to show ongoing duties and change 'the ice cream' to 'ice cream' (general noun). 'Morning shift person' is better as 'morning shift staff' for natural phrasing.

× I work in the Bella Vista which is situated in between the Castle Hill and the Seven Hills.

✓ I work in Bella Vista, which is situated between Castle Hill and Seven Hills.

'the' should not be used before proper place names like Bella Vista, Castle Hill, or Seven Hills. 'In between' should be 'between' and remove extra articles. Use commas for the non-defining relative clause.

× It has a very convenient way to reach out as there is metro station near to my store.

✓ It is very convenient to reach because there is a metro station near my store.

Phrase 'has a very convenient way to reach out' is unnatural; use 'is very convenient to reach.' 'There is metro station' needs an article 'a metro station' and 'near to' should be 'near' without 'to.' Suggestions: use simpler structures: 'It is easy to get to because there is a metro station near my store.'

× Yes, I found it to be a very good place where I'm working right now as it is a very big store and whatsoever I need it at the end of my shift, I can also bring it for my home members.

✓ Yes, I find it to be a very good place to work because it is a large store and anything I need at the end of my shift I can bring home for my family.

Tense: use present 'find' instead of past 'found' when describing current opinion. 'Where I'm working right now' is redundant; simplify to 'to work.' 'Whatsoever I need' is incorrect; use 'anything I need.' 'Bring it for my home members' is ungrammatical; use 'bring home for my family.'

× So I definitely don't need to go eat any other place.

✓ So I definitely don't need to go and eat anywhere else.

'go eat any other place' is unidiomatic. Use 'go and eat anywhere else' or 'eat anywhere else.' 'Anywhere else' is the correct adverbial phrase.

× Also they whensoever I'm I'm on my break, I can eat it from the outside food market inside the mall.

✓ Also, whenever I'm on my break, I can buy food from the outdoor food market inside the mall and eat it.

'whensoever' is archaic/incorrect in spoken English; use 'whenever.' Duplicate 'I'm I'm' is an error. 'Eat it from the outside food market' is awkward—'buy food from the outdoor food market and eat it' is clearer. 'Outside food market' should be 'outdoor food market.'

× Yes, I love the place where I'm working as the people and the staff members are very cooperative.

✓ Yes, I love the place where I work because the people and staff members are very cooperative.

'Where I'm working' is acceptable but 'where I work' is more natural. 'As' used to mean 'because' is acceptable but 'because' is clearer. Remove unnecessary 'the' before 'staff members.'

× Even the manager are is very polite and he makes the shift available upon the request and also sometimes if I have to take day off.

✓ Even the manager is very polite; he makes shifts available upon request and sometimes allows me to take a day off.

'Manager' is singular so use 'is' not 'are.' 'Makes the shift available upon the request' is awkward: use 'makes shifts available upon request.' 'If I have to take day off' needs article 'a day off' and smoother phrasing 'allows me to take a day off.'

× So all the staff members are very helpful in each other tasks.

✓ So all the staff members are very helpful with each other's tasks.

'In each other tasks' is incorrect preposition and possessive: use 'with each other's tasks' to indicate mutual help. This fixes pronoun possessive form.

× As I was pharmacy technician in my own country so moving out in Australia, I would definitely wants to go ahead with the pharmacy technician.

✓ As I was a pharmacy technician in my own country, now that I have moved to Australia, I would definitely like to continue working as a pharmacy technician.

Missing article 'a' before 'pharmacy technician.' 'Moving out in Australia' is incorrect; use 'now that I have moved to Australia.' 'Would definitely wants' has incorrect verb form and subject-verb agreement; use 'would definitely like' or 'want' with correct form. Also 'go ahead with the pharmacy technician' is unclear—use 'continue working as a pharmacy technician.'

× Firstly, I'm looking for getting my academic access over here so that I can get a positive skill assessment which will allow me to work in Australia as in pharmacy technician.

✓ Firstly, I'm trying to have my academic qualifications recognised here so that I can get a positive skills assessment, which will allow me to work in Australia as a pharmacy technician.

'Looking for getting' is incorrect collocation; use 'trying to have' or 'trying to get.' 'Academic access' is wrong term—use 'academic qualifications recognised.' 'Over here' is informal; 'here' is fine. 'Positive skill assessment' should be 'positive skills assessment.' 'As in pharmacy technician' should be 'as a pharmacy technician.'