工作— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific detail. Avoid repetition (e.g., "I am working" twice) and reduce vague phrases like "grow up into a better person." Use linking words if you add a second detail.

範例: I’m currently working as a primary school teacher in the Philippines. I teach basic English and math to children, and I enjoy helping them develop good study habits.

建議: Give a direct opening sentence naming the school’s location and one clear fact. Use numbers naturally and avoid repeating location words. Combine related details with linking words for coherence.

範例: I work in a public primary school in Bambanga, my hometown in the Philippines. It’s a medium-sized school with just over 700 pupils, so classes can be lively but well-managed.

建議: Answer directly, then support with specific reasons. Use natural phrases (e.g., “gives me peace of mind”) and correct grammar ("gives" not "give"). Mention one or two concrete aspects that make it pleasant, connected by linking words like "because" or "because of."

範例: Yes, it’s a good place to work because it gives me peace of mind. For example, I have supportive colleagues and a friendly school community, and I value getting to know my students’ backgrounds.

建議: Be concise and focus on one or two strong reasons. Correct prepositions ("near the river") and use linking words like "because" to connect reasons. Avoid long lists—choose specific, vivid details.

範例: Yes, I like working there because the school is near the river, so I enjoy watching local wildlife like fish and prawns. Also, it’s where I grew up, so my family still lives nearby.

建議: Start with a clear statement of your main plan, then give specific reasons and actions. Use natural collocations ("work abroad" not "work and pitch abroad") and parallel structure for lists. Be concrete about where or what training you want.

範例: I plan to work abroad for a few years to improve my English and gain international teaching experience. I also want to attend professional development workshops and observe different teaching methods to improve my classroom skills.

× At present, I am working as a teacher here in the Philippines.

✓ At present, I work as a teacher here in the Philippines.

The original uses present continuous 'am working' which is acceptable for temporary actions, but when describing current occupation it is more natural to use simple present 'work'. Use simple present for habitual or long-term states. Suggestion: use 'I work' to indicate current job as a regular state.

× I am working in a school where I teach children so that children will grow up into a better person.

✓ I work in a school where I teach children so that they will grow up to be better people.

Multiple issues: use simple present 'work' for occupation and avoid repeating 'children'. 'Grow up into a better person' is unidiomatic and singular 'person' does not agree with plural 'children'. Use 'grow up to be better people'. Also replace redundant noun with pronoun 'they'.

× At present, I am working here in my hometown and it is located here in Bambanga, Philippines.

✓ At present, I work in my hometown, which is Bambanga, Philippines.

Use simple present 'work' for occupation. The phrase 'it is located here in' is wordy; use a relative clause 'which is Bambanga, Philippines' to state location succinctly.

× It's a medium sized school.

✓ It's a medium-sized school.

Compound adjective before a noun should be hyphenated: 'medium-sized school'. Hyphenation clarifies that 'medium-sized' modifies 'school'.

× It's a public school in my country and the pupils here are 700 plus.

✓ It's a public school in my country and there are more than 700 pupils here.

Use 'there are' to introduce a plural count noun (existence). '700 plus' is informal; use 'more than 700 pupils'. Also include plural agreement with 'pupils'.

× In my opinion, it is a workplace that gives me calm, give me a Peace of Mind, since I tend to work with different colleagues and I get to know more the personal lives of my students.

✓ In my opinion, it is a workplace that gives me calm and peace of mind, since I work with different colleagues and get to know more about my students' personal lives.

Several errors: parallel structure and verb forms—use 'gives me calm and peace of mind' (no capitalization). 'Give me' should match subject 'it' so 'gives'. Use simple present 'work' for habitual actions. 'Get to know more the personal lives' is awkward; use 'get to know more about my students' personal lives' and possessive form for 'students'.

× Yes, I like the place since it is near in the river where I can get to see different river animals such as fish, shrimps and this is the place where I grew up where I had the chance to see my mother and my relatives.

✓ Yes, I like the place since it is near the river, where I can see different river animals such as fish and shrimp; this is also the place where I grew up and where I could see my mother and relatives.

Use 'near the river' (no 'in'). 'Get to see' can be simplified to 'see'. Use 'shrimp' as mass noun or plural 'shrimps' rarely; 'shrimp' preferred. Sentence is run-on; split and add conjunctions. Use past 'could see' or 'was able to see' for past ability. Remove repeated 'where'.

× One of my future plans is to work and pitch abroad where I can widen my vocabulary, my personal experiences and to attend such different trainings and workshops to upgrade my professional life as a teacher.

✓ One of my future plans is to work abroad and to attend training and workshops there so I can broaden my vocabulary and personal experience and upgrade my professional life as a teacher.

Parallel structure needed: 'is to work abroad and to attend...'. Avoid 'pitch abroad' (likely incorrect word choice). Use 'attend training and workshops' (uncountable 'training' or 'training courses'). Use 'broaden' and 'personal experience' singular is typical. Keep modal 'can' to express ability and place it with the correct parallel verbs.