家乡— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be concise and accurate: start with a clear topic sentence naming the hometown, then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid mixing different timelines or unnecessary facts. Check for verb tense and small factual clarity (e.g., capital of Mongolia is Ulaanbaatar).

範例: I come from Ulaanbaatar, the capital of Mongolia. I currently live in an apartment complex called Hanga, which was built in 2011 and where I’ve lived for the past 15 years.

建議: Good structure and relevant details. Improve cohesion by using linking words and vary vocabulary slightly. Avoid sentence fragments and combine short sentences for natural flow.

範例: I like my hometown mainly because of its convenient location. For example, it’s only a five-minute drive to downtown, and there are several large shopping malls like Emart, so shopping and leisure activities are very accessible.

建議: Keep the answer direct: begin with the duration, then give one clear supporting detail about where you were born and when you moved. Avoid mixing unfamiliar place names that may confuse the listener and check verb tense consistency.

範例: I’ve lived in Osambastar for the past 15 years. I was born in Dartmouth Province, and my family moved here when I was a child, so I grew up in this neighborhood.

建議: Answer directly and clearly with one or two specific reasons. Use appropriate linking words and correct phrasing — avoid unclear words/typos (e.g., 'commuting' not 'committing', 'overall' not 'oral it is'). Limit to three sentences maximum.

範例: I wouldn’t say it’s ideal for young people. For example, heavy pollution and constant crowding lead to frequent traffic jams, which makes commuting stressful and time-consuming. Overall, these problems make the city less attractive for young adults.

× My hometown is Sultanbutter, the capital city of Mongolia. I live in an apartment called Hanga, which was built in 2011 and I lived here for the past 15 years.

✓ My hometown is Sultanbutter, the capital city of Mongolia. I live in an apartment called Hanga, which was built in 2011, and I have lived here for the past 15 years.

The original contains a mixed tense and run-on structure: 'I live... and I lived here for the past 15 years.' The second clause uses past tense 'lived' but refers to a period continuing to the present, so present perfect 'have lived' is required to show duration up to now. Also add a comma before 'and' to join two independent clauses clearly. Suggestion: use present perfect for actions that started in the past and continue to the present and punctuate compound sentences with a comma before 'and' when joining independent clauses.

× What I like about my hometown is its location. It is very close to the city center, so it only takes me about 5 minutes to get to downtown. And there are several large shopping malls such as Emart, which makes shopping and leisure activities very convenient.

✓ What I like about my hometown is its location. It is very close to the city center, so it only takes me about five minutes to get to downtown. There are several large shopping malls, such as Emart, which make shopping and leisure activities very convenient.

Two issues: use of numerals in formal speech is stylistic—writing 'five' is preferred in spoken-answer transcripts. More importantly, subject-verb agreement with 'shopping malls' (plural) requires the plural verb 'make' rather than 'makes'. Remove the sentence-initial 'And' to improve formality and flow. Suggestion: match verb number to the subject and avoid starting sentences with 'And' in formal responses.

× I have been living in Osambastar for the past 15 years and I was born in Dartmouth Province and my family moved here when I was a child, so I grew up in this neighborhood.

✓ I have been living in Osambastar for the past 15 years. I was born in Dartmouth Province, and my family moved here when I was a child, so I grew up in this neighborhood.

The original is a run-on with multiple clauses joined by 'and'. Separating into two sentences improves clarity. 'I have been living... for the past 15 years' correctly uses present perfect continuous to indicate an action continuing to the present; keep it. Use commas to separate clauses and avoid excessive coordination. Suggestion: break long sentences into shorter ones and use appropriate tense forms for different time frames.

× I wouldn't say it is ideal for young people because the city is quite polluted and constantly crowded so there are frequent traffic jams which makes committing stressful and time consuming. So oral it is, it feels less suitable for young people.

✓ I wouldn't say it is ideal for young people because the city is quite polluted and constantly crowded, so there are frequent traffic jams, which make commuting stressful and time-consuming. Overall, it feels less suitable for young people.

Multiple issues: subject-verb agreement—'traffic jams' (plural) require 'make' not 'makes'. 'Committing' is incorrect; the intended word is 'commuting'. 'Time consuming' should be hyphenated as 'time-consuming' when used as a compound adjective. The phrase 'So oral it is' is incorrect and likely a mishearing; replace with 'Overall'. Also add commas to separate clauses. Suggestion: check for wrong word forms (commuting vs committing), ensure verb agrees with plural subjects, hyphenate compound adjectives, and use clear linking words like 'Overall'.