花— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and correct small grammar mistakes; start with a clear topic sentence then give 1–2 specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetitions (e.g., "they look" twice).

範例: I love flowers. For example, I enjoy their colours and shapes because they brighten my home and make special occasions like birthdays and engagements feel more festive.

建議: Improve grammatical accuracy (verb forms and articles) and be slightly more specific. Use a linking phrase to add reason or effect.

範例: Yes, my best friend Senna loves flowers. She often buys small bouquets for her apartment because they cheer her up and remind her of nature.

建議: Correct sentence structure and remove unclear phrases. Use linking words to organise points (e.g., "Firstly, ... Secondly, ..."). Give one concrete example of location.

範例: Yes, in Sydney there are colourful flowers everywhere. For example, you can see flowering trees in parks and colourful shrubs along the seaside promenade, which makes walks very pleasant.

建議: Reduce hesitations and fix word choice ("florists" → "flora" or "flower species"). Keep it concise and provide a clear reason and one example.

範例: Yes, I often take photos of flowers, even when I'm rushing. For instance, I stop on my way to work to photograph native wildflowers so I can study and identify new species later.

建議: Fix grammar and word choice: use "people in my country" and "send flowers"; avoid repeating. Give one clear example of occasions and use linking words like "for example".

範例: Yes, people in my country often send flowers. For example, families give bouquets for birthdays, engagements and work promotions to congratulate and celebrate.

× Yes, I love everything about flowers, the way they look, they're shaped, how unique they all look, they're created.

✓ Yes, I love everything about flowers: the way they look, their shapes, how unique they are, and how they are created.

Multiple adjective/adverb and pronoun forms were inconsistent. 'they're shaped' is unnatural; use 'their shapes' (noun) or 'their shape' for singular types. 'how unique they all look' should be 'how unique they are' because 'unique' is linked with 'be', not 'look'. 'they're created' is passive and acceptable but clearer as 'how they are created.' Improve parallel structure and consistent use of adjectives and verbs.

× So they're very special to me in my daily life and during my special days like birthdays or engagement ceremony, et cetera, I give extra importance to include them in the that place actually.

✓ So they are very special to me in my daily life and on special days like birthdays or engagement ceremonies; I make extra effort to include them in those occasions.

Sentence had structure and article errors. 'during my special days' should be 'on special days'; 'engagement ceremony' needs plural or article; 'include them in the that place actually' is ungrammatical—use 'include them in those occasions' or 'in the arrangements.' Use 'make extra effort' instead of 'give extra importance.'

× Yes, one of my best friends named Senna.

✓ Yes, one of my best friends is named Senna.

Missing verb 'is' makes the fragment incomplete. Adding 'is' corrects the linkage between subject and complement.

× She's also in love with flowers and she also make sure that she sees the flowers during her daily life activities.

✓ She's also in love with flowers and she also makes sure that she sees flowers during her daily activities.

Subject 'she' requires third person singular verb 'makes' not 'make'. Also streamline 'daily life activities' to 'daily activities' and omit the article before 'flowers' when speaking generally.

× She buys flowers for herself so that it cherishes her and makes her hopeful.

✓ She buys flowers for herself because they cheer her up and make her feel hopeful.

Pronoun and verb choice was incorrect: 'it cherishes her' is wrong because 'flowers' are plural and 'cherish' is not appropriate. Use 'they' and a natural verb like 'cheer (someone) up' and 'make her feel hopeful.'

× Yes, I believe in Sydney we tend to see colorful flowers everywhere we go.

✓ Yes, I believe in Sydney we tend to see colorful flowers everywhere we go.

This sentence is acceptable; no change needed. (Retained for completeness.)

× Most of the time these are the flowers of trees, but still we can see the bushes with flowers and the seaside or roadsides so it's so beautiful to see and calming.

✓ Most of the time these are flowers on trees, but we can also see flowering bushes and flowers by the seaside or on roadsides, so it is very beautiful and calming to see them.

Use plural/noun forms correctly: 'flowers on trees' better than 'flowers of trees'; 'bushes with flowers' -> 'flowering bushes'; add prepositions 'by the seaside' and 'on roadsides'; 'so it's so beautiful' redundant — use 'very' or remove one 'so'. Ensure sentence flow and plural agreement.

× Seemed to encounter these during their life.

✓ People seem to encounter these during their lives.

Original is a sentence fragment lacking subject and incorrect tense/form. Add subject 'People' and plural 'lives' to generalize.

× Yes, I tend to take lots of flowers, uh, photos in my daily life, even I'm in a hurry.

✓ Yes, I tend to take lots of photos of flowers in my daily life, even when I'm in a hurry.

Word order and preposition were incorrect: 'photos of flowers' is standard. 'even I'm in a hurry' needs 'even when I'm in a hurry' to show the condition.

× I just stop and take time to catch that movement because they're very special for me.

✓ I just stop and take time to capture that moment because they are very special to me.

'Catch that movement' is not idiomatic for photographing a flower; 'capture that moment' is appropriate. Use 'to me' instead of 'for me' for personal value. Also expand contractions for formality if desired.

× And here I'm learning about new species of native, umm, florists of Sydney in general.

✓ And here I'm learning about new native species of plants in Sydney in general.

'Florists' are people who sell flowers; the speaker means 'flora' or 'plant species.' Use 'native species of plants' or 'native flora.' Also adjust word order: 'new native species'.

× Yes, in people frequently send flowers when their loved ones have their birthdays or engagement ceremonies.

✓ Yes, people frequently send flowers when their loved ones have birthdays or engagement ceremonies.

Unnecessary preposition 'in' at the start should be removed. Also 'their birthdays' is fine; removed extra 'their' before 'birthdays' for concision.

× Even let's say they have some promotion on their work, They also like to celebrate by gifting florist.

✓ For example, if someone gets a promotion at work, people also like to celebrate by giving flowers as gifts.

Sentence had awkward phrasing and capitalization errors. 'gifting florist' is incorrect; 'giving flowers' or 'gifting flowers' is correct. Use 'a promotion at work' and proper conjunctions to introduce an example.