记忆— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise, avoid fillers (uh, umm), and use a clear topic sentence with one or two supporting details. Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, 'because' is fine but follow with a complete clause). Aim for 2–3 sentences and include a brief reason and an example.

範例: I'm not very good at memorising things because my mind is always juggling many ideas and tasks. For example, I often forget small chores at home when I'm focused on planning lessons at work.

建議: Start with a direct topic sentence and keep the anecdote concise. Remove hesitations and unnecessary repetition. Use a clear time marker and the result of the event. Add a linking word such as 'for example' and finish with a reflection or consequence.

範例: Yes, I once missed an important Zoom defense for a close friend because I forgot the meeting time. For example, she called me, and I only remembered two hours later; I apologised and helped her share notes afterwards.

建議: Be clearer and correct word choices (e.g., 'roles' instead of 'titles' or 'police'; 'bill payments' instead of 'pill bills'). Use a topic sentence listing main categories, then give 2–3 specific examples with linking words. Avoid long run-on sentences.

範例: I need to remember tasks related to my different roles, such as work duties, household bills, and family events. For instance, I keep track of exam dates at school, monthly utility bill payments, and relatives' birthdays.

建議: Clarify vocabulary (use 'journal' or 'notebook' instead of 'jaundice') and avoid repeating the same linking phrase. Start with a clear topic sentence about your method, then give two concise examples using varied linkers ('for instance', 'such as'). Keep answers within 2–3 sentences.

範例: I remember important things by keeping separate notebooks for work and home. For instance, in my work notebook I note exam dates and meeting times, while in my home notebook I record payment due dates and family events.

× Unfortunately, I am really bad at memorizing things.

✓ Unfortunately, I am really bad at memorising things.

The student used American spelling 'memorizing' while the rest of the transcript uses British-style 'memorising' (e.g., 'defence'). For consistency with the test variety, use 'memorising'. No grammatical structure change required.

× Whether it's just a simple uh, daily task to do or very important work related issues.

✓ Whether it's just a simple daily task or a very important work-related issue.

Original is a sentence fragment and word order is awkward. Corrected version completes the comparison, removes filler, hyphenates 'work-related' as a compound adjective, and makes 'issue' singular to match 'a'. Suggestion: form complete clauses and keep parallel structure in comparisons.

× Uh, because uh, my mind has lots of ideas and things to do, I cannot keep things umm and remember things.

✓ Because my mind has lots of ideas and things to do, I cannot keep track of them and remember everything.

The original mixes fillers and repeats 'things', resulting in unclear syntax. 'Keep track of' is the correct collocation for remembering multiple items; 'everything' replaces the repeated 'things'. Remove unnecessary fillers for clarity.

× Yes, I have lots of memories when I forgot to do something important for me and for my loved ones.

✓ Yes, I have many memories of times when I forgot to do something important for myself or for my loved ones.

Use 'many' with 'memories' and 'of times' to indicate occasions. 'When I forgot' needs 'times' as the noun. Use 'myself' as reflexive pronoun and 'or' fits better when listing who was affected. This corrects quantifier and pronoun usage.

× For example, uh, one of my best friends, she called me for her thesis, dissertation, uh, defense for a Zoom meeting and I forgot to attend.

✓ For example, one of my best friends called me about her thesis dissertation defence on Zoom, and I forgot to attend.

Avoid redundant pronoun 'she' after 'one of my best friends'. Use 'called me about' for purpose, combine 'thesis dissertation' as a single phrase, use British spelling 'defence' and 'on Zoom' for the meeting platform. This improves grammar and conciseness.

× After two hours, I remembered.

✓ After two hours, I remembered and joined, but it was already over.

Original 'I remembered' is grammatically correct but lacks completeness. Adding the result clarifies the consequence. Ensure past tense is maintained and add a clause to show what happened.

× Since I have different titles for every police and every person I have in my life as a teacher, wife, sister and a daughter, I need to remember what to do at work, what when to pay the pill bills, remember birthdays of my loved ones and many things.

✓ Since I have different roles with every place and person in my life—as a teacher, wife, sister, and daughter—I need to remember what to do at work, when to pay the bills, birthdays of my loved ones, and many other things.

Multiple issues: 'titles for every police' is incorrect; likely intended 'roles' and 'places'. 'What when to pay the pill bills' is garbled: should be 'when to pay the bills'. Remove extra article before 'daughter'. Use parallel list structure and commas. This fixes prepositions, word choice, and sentence clarity.

× I take notes on my jaundice, so I have separate notebooks for my work and my daily life.

✓ I take notes in my journals, so I have separate notebooks for my work and for my personal life.

'Jaundice' is the wrong word; likely 'journals'. Use 'in my journals' or 'in my notebook' and 'personal life' rather than 'daily life' for natural phrasing. This corrects incorrect word choice (pronoun-like noun misuse) and prepositional usage.

× For work, for example, I write down everything that should be done for the term.

✓ For work, for example, I write down everything that should be done during the term.

Use the preposition 'during' to indicate the time period (the term). 'For the term' is not idiomatic here. This fixes sentence structure and preposition choice.

× For example, when is it exam dates or meeting times.

✓ For example, I note the exam dates and meeting times.

Original word order is incorrect and contains unnecessary question-like phrasing. Restructure into a clear statement: 'I note the exam dates and meeting times.' This corrects preposition and word order errors.

× For home, for example, I write down the dates of the payments.

✓ For home, for example, I write down the payment dates.

'Dates of the payments' is wordy; 'payment dates' is more natural. Keep noun phrase concise and maintain parallel structure with previous sentences.