巧克力— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Try to use correct grammar and avoid redundancy. For example, say "I rarely eat chocolate because it is too sweet and unhealthy in most cases." Also, use linking words to connect ideas smoothly.

範例: I rarely eat chocolate because it is too sweet and unhealthy in most cases. However, if I do choose chocolate, I prefer dark chocolate with over 70% cocoa, as it has some health benefits.

建議: Be careful with word choice and sentence clarity. Instead of "buy the chocolate for some vegetables," say "buy chocolate as gifts on special occasions." Also, avoid repetition and improve sentence structure.

範例: As I mentioned, chocolate is unhealthy, so I only buy it as a gift for special occasions like Valentine's Day or New Year's. I usually give chocolates to my friends and family.

建議: Use correct tense and grammar, and add linking words for coherence. For example, "I didn't worry about health when I was a kid, so I ate lots of chocolate, especially during Chinese New Year."

範例: When I was a kid, I didn't worry about health, so I ate lots of chocolate. Most of the time, I enjoyed them during Chinese New Year when my parents took me to candy shops to buy sweets.

建議: Avoid using 'although' and 'however' together. Use correct verb forms and linking words. For example, "Chocolate originated in Central America, but it is now sold worldwide because it is affordable, tasty, and often given as a gift."

範例: Chocolate originated in Central America, but it is now sold worldwide because it is affordable, tasty, and often given as a gift.

建議: Use singular/plural forms correctly and improve sentence flow. For example, "My favourite chocolate is dark chocolate with high cocoa content because it is less sweet and healthier than milk chocolate."

範例: My favourite chocolate is dark chocolate with high cocoa content because it is less sweet and healthier than milk chocolate, which usually contains added milk and sugar.

建議: Improve sentence structure and word choice. For example, "Yes, during festivals like Valentine's Day, Chinese New Year, or birthdays, people often buy chocolates or other snacks as gifts."

範例: Yes, during festivals like Valentine's Day, Chinese New Year, or birthdays, people often buy chocolates or other snacks as gifts.

× No, I rarely eat chocolate since chocolate are bits are too sweets and it's unhealthy for most of the cases.

✓ No, I rarely eat chocolate since chocolate bits are too sweet and it's unhealthy in most cases.

The word 'chocolate' is uncountable here, so 'are bits are too sweets' is incorrect. It should be 'chocolate bits are too sweet'. 'Sweet' is an adjective and should not be pluralised. Also, 'for most of the cases' is better expressed as 'in most cases'.

× If I want to choose one, I will choose the high high purity chocolate which is over 70% and it has a little beneficial to our health.

✓ If I were to choose one, I would choose the high purity chocolate which is over 70% and it has some benefits to our health.

The conditional sentence requires the subjunctive mood: 'If I were to choose' instead of 'If I want to choose'. Also, 'high high purity' is a repetition error; it should be 'high purity'. 'A little beneficial' is incorrect; 'some benefits' is more appropriate here.

× As I mentioned above, chocolates are unhealthy so I just buy the chocolate for some vegetables, for example Valentine's Day or New Year's.

✓ As I mentioned above, chocolate is unhealthy so I just buy chocolate for some occasions, for example Valentine's Day or New Year's.

'Chocolates are unhealthy' should be 'chocolate is unhealthy' because 'chocolate' is uncountable. 'Buy the chocolate for some vegetables' is incorrect; likely 'occasions' was intended. Also, 'the chocolate' is unnecessary here.

× I will send chocolates to my friends and family as our as a gift.

✓ I will send chocolates to my friends and family as gifts.

The phrase 'as our as a gift' is incorrect and unclear. The correct expression is 'as gifts' when referring to giving chocolates to multiple people.

× Yes, when I was a kid I didn't concern about the healthy, so I can eat lots of chocolates and the most time I ate is during the Chinese New Year.

✓ Yes, when I was a kid I didn't care about health, so I could eat lots of chocolates and most of the time I ate them was during the Chinese New Year.

'Didn't concern' is incorrect; the correct verb is 'didn't care'. 'The healthy' should be 'health'. 'Can eat' should be past tense 'could eat' to match the past context. 'The most time I ate is' should be 'most of the time I ate them was'.

× My parents will bring me to the candy shops and buy lots of them.

✓ My parents would bring me to the candy shops and buy lots of them.

Since this is a past habitual action, 'would bring' is more appropriate than 'will bring'.

× Although chocolate is originated from the Central America, however it has been sell to all over the world because it's cheap and it's tasty for most of the people and it can also be a gift.

✓ Although chocolate originated from Central America, it has been sold all over the world because it's cheap and tasty for most people and can also be a gift.

'Is originated' is incorrect; 'originated' is the correct past tense. 'The Central America' should be 'Central America' without 'the'. 'Has been sell' should be 'has been sold'. 'To all over the world' is incorrect; 'all over the world' suffices. 'For most of the people' should be 'for most people'.

× My favorite chocolate is higher purity chocolates which is not so sweet because most of the chocolates are added by milk and sugar which is unhealthy.

✓ My favorite chocolate is higher purity chocolate which is not so sweet because most chocolates have milk and sugar added, which is unhealthy.

'Higher purity chocolates which is' mixes plural and singular; it should be singular 'chocolate which is'. 'Are added by milk and sugar' is incorrect; the correct form is 'have milk and sugar added'.

× Yes, during some festivals, such as Valentine's Day, Chinese New Year or some birthday, people usually buy chocolates or other snacks for the others.

✓ Yes, during some festivals, such as Valentine's Day, Chinese New Year or some birthdays, people usually buy chocolates or other snacks for others.

'Some birthday' should be plural 'some birthdays'. 'For the others' is incorrect; it should be 'for others' without 'the'.