爱好— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Cần giảm tiếng ngập ngừng và lặp từ (ví dụ: “umm”, “you know”) để câu trả lời tự nhiên và trôi chảy hơn; sắp xếp ý rõ ràng hơn bằng cách mở đầu bằng câu chủ đề, sau đó dùng liên từ để nối chi tiết (ví dụ: “because”, “for example”); cung cấp một ví dụ cụ thể (một nghệ sĩ/ca khúc hoặc thời điểm) để làm câu trả lời giàu thông tin hơn, không quá 3–4 câu.

範例: I enjoy listening to music, especially pop and ballads. I often play my favorite songs when I feel stressed because music helps me relax and clear my mind. For example, after a long day of work I usually listen to acoustic playlists to unwind.

建議: Cần sửa lỗi ngữ pháp và cấu trúc (ví dụ: “I back at that time” không đúng); tránh câu lủng củng và dùng liên từ để nối ý (ví dụ: “so”, “because”); làm rõ thời điểm và hoàn cảnh bằng một câu chủ đề ngắn và một câu chi tiết cụ thể (ai, ở đâu, tần suất). Giữ tổng số câu trong giới hạn 2–3 câu.

範例: When I was a child, I loved playing football with my brother and neighborhood friends. We played every weekend in the local park because it was a fun way to relax and get some exercise.

建議: Sửa lỗi từ vựng và collocation (ví dụ: “long lasting copy of mine” sai — nên là “long-lasting hobby”); mở đầu bằng câu chủ đề rõ ràng và thêm chi tiết cụ thể về thể loại sách, tần suất hoặc cuốn sách yêu thích để làm câu trả lời phong phú hơn; tránh câu dài không cần thiết, dùng liên từ như “so” hoặc “for example”.

範例: Reading has been a long-lasting hobby for me since childhood. I started with storybooks and later enjoyed fantasy and non-fiction because they help me relax and learn new things; for example, I still remember enjoying the Harry Potter series.

建議: Cần tránh lặp từ (“our our”), dùng cấu trúc mạch lạc hơn: bắt đầu bằng câu chủ đề, sau đó giải thích bằng ví dụ cụ thể (ví dụ chương trình hay thể loại phim cả nhà thích) và dùng liên từ (“however”, “but”) để chỉ sự khác biệt. Thêm chi tiết về tần suất để câu trả lời cụ thể hơn.

範例: Yes, we share some hobbies such as watching movies and listening to music. For example, we often watch TV shows together during dinner, but I prefer reading more than they do, so I usually read in the evenings when they continue watching TV.

× Yes, I am really into listening to music umm you know I always listen to my favorite songs umm.

✓ Yes, I am really into listening to music; I always listen to my favorite songs.

The original sentence includes filler words and a comma splice. Use the continuous form 'am really into listening' correctly and join clauses with a semicolon or period to avoid run-on. Remove fillers for clarity.

× This can come from different types such as pop or ballads.

✓ These can come in different types, such as pop or ballads.

Use 'these' to refer to plural 'songs' and 'come in' is the common collocation. Also add a comma before 'such as.'

× I tend to listen to music whenever I feel stressed or overwhelmed umm I think this is the best way for me to entertain and relax after long days.

✓ I tend to listen to music whenever I feel stressed or overwhelmed; I think it is the best way for me to unwind and relax after long days.

The original is a run-on sentence; separate clauses with a semicolon or period. 'Entertain' is incorrect for relaxing oneself; use 'unwind.' Replace 'umm' and use 'it is' for formality.

× Actually, I used to be a big fan of football.

✓ Actually, I used to be a big fan of football.

Sentence is correct; 'used to' properly indicates past habitual action. No change needed.

× I back at that time.

✓ I was back then.

Original lacks verb and is ungrammatical. Use 'I was' + time expression 'back then' to indicate past time.

× I love to play football with my brother or my neighbors because I think it was the best way for me to end it, to relax and exercise.

✓ I loved playing football with my brother or my neighbors because I thought it was the best way for me to relax and exercise.

Match past context: use 'loved' or 'used to love' and gerund 'playing' after 'love' in past narrative. Remove 'end it' which is unclear; 'relax and exercise' is sufficient. Change 'think' to past 'thought.'

× Yes, I would say that reading has been a long lasting copy of mine.

✓ Yes, I would say that reading has been a long-lasting hobby of mine.

'Long-lasting' is hyphenated adjective; 'copy' is incorrect collocation—use 'hobby.' 'Of mine' is correct.

× I started reading story books when I was a kid and it gradually became a way for me to relax and learn new things.

✓ I started reading story books when I was a kid, and it gradually became a way for me to relax and learn new things.

Sentence is correct; add a comma before 'and' to separate independent clauses. 'Started' plus gerund 'reading' is correct.

× Yes, to some extent. I share some hobbies with my family like watching movies and listening to music.

✓ Yes, to some extent. I share some hobbies with my family, like watching movies and listening to music.

Add a comma before 'like' for clarity. Pronoun use is acceptable otherwise.

× We tend to watch TV shows when we have dinner, but we also have our our own individual interest.

✓ We tend to watch TV shows when we have dinner, but we also have our own individual interests.

Remove duplicated 'our' and use plural 'interests' to match 'we' and the idea of multiple interests.

× Like I enjoy reading more than they do.

✓ For example, I enjoy reading more than they do.

Beginning a sentence with 'Like' as a filler is informal; use 'For example' or 'I' directly. Sentence is otherwise fine.