走路— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and natural: begin with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler sounds (uh), and keep supporting detail brief and relevant. Also use present simple consistently ("I usually pair it with music").

範例: Yes, I walk a lot because it’s an easy way to stay fit. I usually listen to music while walking, which helps me keep a steady pace and makes the time enjoyable.

建議: Good use of past routine. Improve by starting with a direct topic sentence and tightening phrasing (avoid filler words like "actually"). Add one specific detail to strengthen the picture.

範例: Yes, when I was a child my family had a routine of taking a long walk after dinner. For example, we would walk around our neighbourhood for twenty minutes and use that time to talk about our day.

建議: Begin with a general reason people like parks, then give your personal view. Avoid colloquial phrases like "the additional dose of oxygen"—use clearer vocabulary. Keep to 2–3 sentences and link ideas smoothly.

範例: People enjoy walking in parks because of the peaceful atmosphere and fresh air. Personally, I prefer parks to streets because the greenery feels relaxing and the air seems cleaner, which makes walking more enjoyable.

建議: State your choice clearly and give one or two specific reasons. Remove hesitation words like "uh" and avoid repetition ("would be" twice).

範例: I would love to walk along the Great Wall of China because of its historic significance and amazing views. I’ve long been interested in Chinese history, so walking there would combine sightseeing and cultural learning.

建議: Use correct tense for a recent action ("I went" or "lately I’ve been going"). Be specific and avoid unclear phrases ("a diamond between"). Use plural/singular correctly and remove repeated words.

範例: Lately I’ve been walking at Los Gatos Creek Trail, a nearby park. The trail runs past two small lakes and a meadow, and I often see many ducks and other wildlife there.

× I generally used to pair it with, uh, music also.

✓ I generally used to pair it with music as well.

The original sentence has an unnecessary comma and uses 'also' awkwardly at the end. 'As well' or placing 'also' before the verb is more natural. No change to tense is required; 'used to' correctly indicates a past habit. Suggestion: remove filler commas and place 'as well' after the object for clarity.

× Oh, as a family, actually, we used to have these rituals that after dinner we would go for a long walk and come back and in the process have some good conversations.

✓ Oh, as a family, actually, we used to have a ritual that after dinner we would go for a long walk, come back, and in the process have some good conversations.

'These rituals' is plural while the context suggests a single repeated family routine; 'a ritual' or 'rituals' can both work, but singular 'a ritual' reads more naturally here. Also adding commas improves readability and 'come back' pairs with 'go for a long walk' in parallel structure. The tense 'used to' and 'would' correctly indicate past habitual actions.

× I also like to walk in parks. I'm one of those people and I like the greenery in the parks rather than walking on the streets.

✓ I also like to walk in parks. I'm one of those people and I prefer the greenery in parks rather than walking on the streets.

Repeating 'the parks' is acceptable but sounds less natural; using 'parks' without 'the' is more general. 'Prefer' is a clearer verb than 'like' when comparing two options. Maintain present simple for general preferences.

× It gives me the additional dose of oxygen.

✓ It gives me an additional dose of oxygen.

'The additional dose' implies a specific known dose; 'an additional dose' is correct when introducing a non-specific extra amount. Use of the indefinite article 'an' is appropriate before a singular, countable noun beginning with a vowel sound.

× I would like to take a long walk on the Great Wall of China because of its historic importance and uh, I have been looking forward to tourism in China and that would be the first choice I would go to.

✓ I would like to take a long walk on the Great Wall of China because of its historic importance, and I have been looking forward to traveling to China; it would be my first choice.

'Looking forward to tourism in China' is awkward; the correct phrase is 'looking forward to traveling to China' (after 'looking forward to' follow a noun or gerund). 'That would be the first choice I would go to' is ungrammatical; use 'it would be my first choice' to express preference. Maintain conditional 'would like' and present perfect 'have been looking forward' for ongoing expectation.

× I go for a walk in a nearby park called Los Gatos Creek Trail.

✓ I go for a walk in a nearby park called Los Gatos Creek Trail.

This sentence is acceptable as present habitual action. No grammatical correction needed.

× It's a very long trail along 2 lakes and a diamond between so there is a lot of ducks also in in that ecosystem.

✓ It's a very long trail along two lakes with a diamond in between, so there are a lot of ducks in that ecosystem.

Use 'two' instead of numeral '2' in formal writing. 'A diamond between' is unclear; 'a diamond in between' clarifies position. 'There is a lot of ducks' is incorrect: 'ducks' is plural, so use 'there are a lot of ducks' or 'many ducks.' Also remove the duplicate 'in.' Reordering phrases and using 'with' improves clarity.