走路— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be clearer and more natural: give a direct topic sentence, correct the name/term, and add one brief reason. Avoid unclear phrases. Use one linking phrase if adding detail.

範例: Yes, I walk a lot. I usually walk to the BTS station because it’s only a short distance from my home and walking helps me save money on transport.

建議: Be concise and organized: start with a clear topic sentence, give one or two specific reasons using linking words (for example, because or so), and avoid repetition.

範例: No, I didn’t often go for walks as a child because I preferred playing video games. As a result, I spent most of my free time indoors rather than exploring outside.

建議: Use accurate words and clearer structure: begin with a direct answer, then give two specific reasons with linking words. Avoid vague phrases like 'it is said'.

範例: People enjoy walking in parks because of the green surroundings and fresh air. Additionally, parks are usually peaceful, which makes walking there relaxing and good for reducing stress.

建議: Be concise and coherent: start with the direct answer, then add one or two vivid details with linking words. Avoid small separate sentences—combine for flow.

範例: I would like to take a long walk in the Swiss mountains, especially around Jungfrau. I visited once and remember the snowy trails and crisp, cold air, which would make for an unforgettable hike.

建議: Give a clear past or recent example: begin with a direct statement about your most recent walk, then add a specific detail (distance or time) using a linking word. Fix grammar and word order.

範例: Recently I walked to the BTS station near my home; it’s about 800 meters away, so the round trip is a reasonable distance and takes me around 20 minutes.

× Yes I do, I usually walk to the BDS which is a sky trend to travel around the cities.

✓ Yes, I do. I usually walk to the BTS, which is a sky train used to travel around the city.

Incorrect phrase 'sky trend' and 'BDS' likely meant 'BTS' and 'sky train' (word choice / formation). Also 'to travel around the cities' should be 'used to travel around the city' to match habitual meaning and correct noun number. Use commas and periods to separate independent clauses. Suggestion: Use correct noun forms and collocations: 'sky train' and 'BTS', and 'used to travel around the city'. Remember to punctuate between sentences.

× No, I did not because when I was younger I paid attention to playing games because I think at that time I thought it was an entertainment that I can I could do it every day.

✓ No, I did not, because when I was younger I focused on playing games; at that time I thought it was an entertainment I could do every day.

Mix of present and past tense: 'I think' should be 'I thought' to match past context. 'Paid attention to' is unnatural here; 'focused on' or 'spent time playing' is better. Remove redundant 'can I could'. Suggestion: Keep past-tense consistency when describing past habits: use 'thought', 'could', 'focused'. Combine clauses with commas or semicolons for clarity.

× People nowadays often associate parks with bark because parks offer green atmospheres, peaceful and fresh quality and it is said that it will be more pleasant when walking in good place.

✓ People nowadays often associate parks with nature because parks offer green surroundings, peacefulness and fresh air, and it is said that it is more pleasant to walk in a good place.

Incorrect word 'bark' should be 'nature' or similar. 'Green atmospheres' and 'peaceful and fresh quality' are awkward; use 'green surroundings', 'peacefulness', 'fresh air'. 'It will be more pleasant when walking in good place' needs correction to 'it is more pleasant to walk in a good place'. Suggestion: Choose appropriate nouns and collocations: 'surroundings', 'fresh air', and use infinitive 'to walk' after 'pleasant'.

× I would say the mountains in Switzerland. I've been there once. It is one of the most famous mountains in Switzerland called Jungfrau.

✓ I would say the mountains in Switzerland. I've been there once. One of the most famous mountains is Jungfrau.

Awkward repetition 'It is one of the most famous mountains in Switzerland called Jungfrau.' Better: 'One of the most famous mountains is Jungfrau.' Ensure clear subject-verb structure and avoid redundant location phrase if already stated. Suggestion: Use concise sentence: 'One of the most famous mountains is Jungfrau.' or 'Jungfrau is one of the most famous mountains in Switzerland.'

× It's fully covered with snow and the temperature is very cold. I like it.

✓ It's completely covered with snow, and the temperature is very cold. I like it.

'Fully' is acceptable but 'completely' is more natural here; ensure comma before coordinating conjunction joining clauses. No tense error, but word choice and punctuation improved. Suggestion: Use 'completely' and add comma before 'and' when joining independent clauses.

× I usually walk to the BTS station is about 800 meters from my room and I think it is reasonable distance that I can walk round trip.

✓ I usually walk to the BTS station; it is about 800 meters from my room, and I think it is a reasonable distance to walk round trip.

Sentence structure error: two independent clauses run together without proper punctuation. Missing article 'a' before 'reasonable distance'. Use infinitive 'to walk' rather than 'that I can walk'. Suggestion: Break into clauses with semicolon or period, include appropriate articles, and use 'to walk' for purpose/ability.