走路— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be concise and grammatically correct. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid contradictory quantifiers ("20,225 thousand" is incorrect), and limit to up to five sentences. Use linking words if you add detail (e.g., "because", "so"). Also give a realistic number format (e.g., "around 20,000 steps").

範例: Yes, I walk a lot because I work as a patrolling security guard. I usually walk around 20,000 steps every day during my shifts. As a result, I get plenty of exercise and fresh air.

建議: Begin with a direct answer and avoid filler words (uh, um). Keep pronouns consistent ("she" for mother) and give one or two specific supporting details with linking words ("because", "so"). Limit length to five sentences and correct tense usage.

範例: Yes, I often went out for walks as a child because my mother loved walking. She regularly took me and my siblings to the park on weekends, so we spent a lot of time outdoors.

建議: Answer directly then give specific reasons with clear linking words. Remove fillers and repetitive phrases. Use precise vocabulary ("scenery" instead of "appealing view", "inspiration" instead of "fusion"). Provide one or two concise supporting points.

範例: People enjoy walking in parks for several reasons. For example, the natural scenery and trees create a peaceful atmosphere, which energizes me and helps me relax.

建議: Start with a clear topic sentence naming the place. Avoid repetition ("Park Park") and incorrect facts ("one acre" may be unclear). Use linking words and varied vocabulary to explain why the place appeals to you. Keep it within five sentences and correct subject-verb agreement.

範例: I would like to take a long walk in Stanley Park, a large and beautiful park in my city. The tall trees and peaceful paths boost my energy and refresh my mood, so it would be an ideal place for a long walk.

建議: Respond directly with a clear time frame and concise description. Avoid filler words and improve tense consistency (use past tense for last Saturday). Give a specific, realistic detail and use linking words ("because", "so") to connect ideas. Keep it within five sentences.

範例: Last Saturday during my shift as a patrolling security guard, I walked a lot while moving between floors. I climbed many flights of stairs and walked up and down different floors, so my phone recorded about 30,000 steps.

× I almost to do 20,225 thousand steps almost every day.

✓ I take almost 20,225 steps every day.

Original has incorrect verb construction ('to do' is wrong with 'steps') and a redundant / impossible number format ('20,225 thousand' combines two quantifiers). Use 'take' with 'steps' and write the number correctly as '20,225'. Also remove the duplicated 'almost'. Suggestion: say 'I take about 20,000 steps every day' if you prefer a rounded figure.

× Uh, honestly speaking, yes, my mom is, uh, my mom loves to walk and he always, uh, try to convince me as well and ** *** always take uh, me and my siblings out for a walk and.

✓ Uh, honestly speaking, yes, my mom loves to walk and she always tried to convince me as well and always took me and my siblings out for a walk.

Pronoun 'he' is incorrect when referring to 'my mom'; use 'she'. Verb forms need to match past habitual action: use past tense 'tried' and 'took' to describe repeated actions in the past. Remove filler markers and unclear symbols. Suggestion: 'my mom loved to walk and she always took us for walks' for more natural phrasing.

× So if I talk about myself, I do love to work in the parks because of the appealing, uh, view of the parks.

✓ So if I talk about myself, I love to walk in parks because of their appealing views.

Use 'walk in parks' rather than 'work in the parks'. Also 'the parks' is unnecessarily repeated; use plural 'parks' and 'their' to refer back. 'View' should be plural 'views' or 'the scenery'. Suggestion: 'I love to walk in parks because of their appealing scenery.'

× There are trees around, which gives me uh, energy, gives me a fusion to walk.

✓ There are trees around, which give me energy and motivate me to walk.

Relative clause subject 'trees' is plural, so verb should be 'give' not 'gives'. 'Gives me a fusion' is awkward; use 'motivate me' or 'give me energy to walk'. Suggestion: 'which give me energy and motivate me to walk.'

× If I ever get a chance for a long walk, I would definitely love to go to the Stanley Park Park. That is in one acre in my city.

✓ If I ever get a chance for a long walk, I would definitely love to go to Stanley Park. It is one acre in my city.

Remove duplicated 'Park'. Use 'Stanley Park' without an extra article if it is the proper name. The phrase 'That is in one acre in my city' is awkward; 'It is one acre' is more grammatical, though 'one acre' as size is unusual—consider 'It is one acre in size' or 'It is located in my city.' Suggestion: 'It is one acre in size in my city' or better: 'It is located in my city and covers about one acre.'

× There are big trees because trees boost my energy, gives me a motivation and refreshes my mood.

✓ There are big trees because trees boost my energy, give me motivation and refresh my mood.

Maintain parallel verb forms after plural subject 'trees': use 'give' and 'refresh' (not 'gives'/'refreshes' for some and not others). Also 'a motivation' is unnatural; use 'motivation' without an article. Suggestion: 'trees boost my energy, give me motivation, and refresh my mood.'

× So on last, uh, last Saturday, uh, I did have my shift. So at that time I walk a lot, I climb so many flights, go back and forth on different floors and that, uh, at that time I have 30,000 steps count on my phone.

✓ Last Saturday I had my shift. At that time I walked a lot; I climbed many flights of stairs, went back and forth on different floors, and by the end I had 30,000 steps on my phone.

Use past tense to describe past events: 'had', 'walked', 'climbed', 'went'. Replace 'so many flights' with 'many flights of stairs' for clarity. Use 'had 30,000 steps on my phone' or 'my phone recorded 30,000 steps' for natural phrasing. Remove redundant fillers 'on last, uh, last'.