走路— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition (“walk a lot” repeated), correct minor grammar (use present simple for routine: “I usually walk”), and limit to 3–4 sentences. Add a linking word when giving a reason.

範例: Yes, I walk regularly. I usually walk for 20–30 minutes five times a week with my husband because it helps my physical and mental health. For example, walking in the park lets us talk and unwind after work.

建議: Use clearer tense and avoid repeating “used to” too much. Begin with a direct topic sentence, then give 1–2 specific details linked logically (use 'also' or 'for example'). Keep sentences shorter and more natural.

範例: Yes, I often walked outside as a child with my cousins and friends. We usually came home before evening, and we also organized races and other outdoor games like running and simple walking challenges.

建議: Be more fluent and avoid filler words (uh, umm). Start with a clear general statement then give two specific reasons using linking words ('for example', 'also'). Keep it within 2–3 sentences and finish the thought.

範例: People like walking in parks because the scenery and fresh air are refreshing. For example, in spring you can see blossoming flowers and green trees, and the peaceful atmosphere makes walking more enjoyable than staying at home.

建議: Be concise and complete your final sentence. Use one strong topic sentence and then give a specific reason with a linking word ('because' or 'since'). Avoid repeating similar words ('lovely' twice).

範例: I would like to walk the F9 trails in Islamabad with my husband. We enjoyed the scenery there last time—pleasant weather, tall trees and lush greenery—which makes it an ideal place for a long, relaxing walk.

建議: Clarify meaning and correct grammar ("I wasn't willing to my husband" unclear). Use past simple for completed actions, and avoid unnecessary words like 'like'. Give 2–3 clear details and link them (e.g., 'and', 'also').

範例: Recently my husband and I went to the valley for a one-hour walk. We had a picnic and a barbecue, drank hot tea, and enjoyed the pleasant rainy weather.

× As someone who prescribes movement, yes, I do walk a lot, and I prefer walking a lot because of the essential benefits that I know of working for health.

✓ As someone who prescribes movement, yes, I do walk a lot, and I prefer walking a lot because of the essential benefits that I know work for health.

The phrase 'that I know of working for health' is ungrammatical. The student likely intends to say the benefits 'work for health' or 'are good for health.' This requires the base verb 'work' rather than the gerund phrase 'working' after 'know.' Suggest using 'that I know work for health' or rephrasing to 'that I know are good for my health.'

× So usually I used to walk 20 to 30 minutes five times a day with my husband, and it's lovely to go go out into the park and walk and talk.

✓ So usually I would walk 20 to 30 minutes five times a day with my husband, and it's lovely to go out into the park and walk and talk.

The expression 'used to' describes past habitual actions that no longer happen; if the speaker means a current habit, 'usually I would walk' or 'I usually walk' is correct. Also there is a repeated word 'go go' which must be reduced to 'go.' Use 'I usually walk' for present habit or 'I used to walk' for past habit. Context suggests current habit, so 'usually I would walk' or 'I usually walk' is appropriate.

× Yes, I often used to go outside to have a walk when I was a child with my cousins and my friends and we usually used to return before the evening.

✓ Yes, I often went outside to have a walk when I was a child with my cousins and my friends, and we usually returned before the evening.

When recounting past habitual actions, 'used to' is acceptable but mixing 'often used to' and 'used to return' is repetitive. Simpler past tense 'often went' and 'we usually returned' is clearer. Also 'before the evening' is better as 'before evening' or 'before evening fell.' Using simple past is natural when telling childhood memories.

× And also I used to arrange some racing activities, some outdoor activities that we used to play when I was a child and that included walking, running.

✓ Also, I used to organize racing and other outdoor activities that we played when I was a child, including walking and running.

'Arrange' is acceptable but 'organize' is more natural for activities. 'Used to play' is acceptable, but 'played' or 'that we did' is simpler. The list 'walking, running' should be set off by 'including' and use parallel gerunds. Stick with past tense 'used to' or simple past for consistency.

× In parks, especially when it's the spring season as it is now, uh, you get to see bloomed flowers, trees, umm, so many vibrant colors and then the fresh air that just makes you feel so refreshing is why we prefer walking, uh, in the park rather than at home.

✓ In parks, especially in spring as it is now, you see blooming flowers, trees, and so many vibrant colors, and the fresh air makes you feel refreshed; that is why we prefer walking in the park rather than at home.

'Bloomed flowers' is incorrect; the correct adjective is 'blooming' or 'in bloom.' 'Makes you feel so refreshing' is wrong because 'refreshing' describes something that causes refreshment; the person feels 'refreshed.' The sentence was long and conversational; breaking it into clearer clauses improves readability.

× If I had a chance to have a long walk, I would prefer F9 trails in Islamabad.

✓ If I had the chance to take a long walk, I would prefer the F9 trails in Islamabad.

'Have a chance to have a long walk' is wordy; 'have the chance to take a long walk' is more natural. Use the definite article 'the F9 trails' when referring to a specific set of trails. The conditional structure 'If I had the chance... I would...' is correct.

× It's a lovely place and I would love to do it with my husband because the last time we went to Islamabad we took the F9 track and we really enjoyed the weather, the trees, the lush green forest and it was lovely to.

✓ It's a lovely place and I would love to go with my husband because the last time we went to Islamabad we walked the F9 trail and really enjoyed the weather, the trees and the lush greenery; it was lovely.

'Do it' is vague; use 'go' or 'walk.' 'Took the F9 track' is awkward; 'walked the F9 trail' is clearer. 'Lush green forest' can be 'lush greenery' for natural description. The sentence originally trailed off with 'it was lovely to'—finish with 'it was lovely.' Use parallel noun phrases and past tense consistency.

× Lately I wasn't willing to my husband and we went to the valley side where we had a long walk for about like one hour and we also arranged a picnic where we barbecued and had some lovely time together sipping hot cup of tea and the weather was also pleasant as it was raining.

✓ Lately my husband and I went to the valley side where we had a long walk for about an hour, and we also had a picnic where we barbecued and enjoyed some lovely time together sipping hot cups of tea; the weather was pleasant even though it was raining.

'I wasn't willing to my husband' is ungrammatical and unclear; likely intended 'my husband and I went.' Pronoun order 'my husband and I' is standard. 'For about like one hour' should be 'for about an hour.' 'Sipping hot cup of tea' should be 'sipping hot cups of tea.' The clause about weather needs clarity: 'pleasant even though it was raining' or 'the weather was pleasant; it was raining lightly.'