走路— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more natural and complete the comparison. Use one clear topic sentence and one or two supporting details. Avoid hesitations and unfinished clauses. Link ideas with a phrase like “because” or “as” and finish the reason.

範例: Yes, I walk a lot. I usually walk to the MTR station because it's quicker than waiting for a bus, and sometimes I walk from Prince Edward to Richard Jordan as it saves time during peak hours.

建議: Start with a clear topic sentence and correct pronoun use. Reduce hesitations and add one specific detail about the walks. Use a linking word like “because” or “as” to connect ideas.

範例: Yes, I often went for walks as a child. My parents frequently took us to the seashore because our home was nearby, and I especially loved playing in the sand and collecting shells.

建議: Give a fuller, coherent answer with linking language and specific reasons or examples. Avoid filler words and split into one topic sentence plus one supporting detail using connectors like “because” or “for example.”

範例: I think people like walking in parks because it helps them relax and clear their minds; for example, being surrounded by trees and fresh air reduces stress and improves mood.

建議: Good content and coherence but avoid repetition and tighten sentences. Use one topic sentence then two concise supporting details with linking words such as “because” and “and.”

範例: I would like to take a long walk along the beach because the sound of the waves is very relaxing and I enjoy watching the sunset and the vibrant colours of the sky.

建議: Provide a clear, complete answer with specific place names and activities. Remove hesitations and finish the sentence. Use a topic sentence and one or two supporting details such as what you bought or who you went with.

範例: Yesterday I went to Mong Kok to run some errands. I bought bathing essentials and toiletries, and I also visited Jordan to pick up a parcel.

× Yes I do, I usually walk my way to the MTR.

✓ Yes, I do. I usually walk to the MTR.

The phrase 'walk my way to' is awkward and unidiomatic. Use the verb 'walk' with a destination: 'walk to the MTR.' Also add a comma after 'Yes' and split into two sentences for clarity.

× And sometimes I walk from Prince Edward to ****** Richard Jordan because it's much faster than.

✓ Sometimes I walk from Prince Edward to ****** Richard Jordan because it is much faster.

The original ends with an incomplete comparison 'faster than.' Remove 'than' or complete the comparison. Also avoid starting sentences with 'And' in formal speech; combine or start with 'Sometimes.' Use full 'it is' for clarity.

× Yes I did, my parents took us for a walk by the seashore since her home was near umm, the beach, so I love playing in the sand.

✓ Yes, I did. My parents took us for a walk by the seashore because our home was near the beach, so I loved playing in the sand.

The pronoun 'her' is incorrect when referring to the speaker's home; use 'our' if speaking about the family home. Tense consistency: the question asked about childhood, so use past tense 'loved.' Replace 'since' with 'because' for clarity and add articles: 'the beach.' Split into sentences and add commas.

× Hmm I believe people like to walk in parks because it makes them relaxed and. Makes them umm. Free their mind.

✓ I believe people like to walk in parks because it makes them relaxed and frees their minds.

The sentence is fragmented and has incorrect verb form 'and. Makes'. Combine clauses into one sentence and use the correct verb 'frees' to agree with the singular subject 'it' (the activity). Use plural 'minds' to match 'people.' Remove filler words.

× I would like to take a long walk along the beach. I find the sound of the waves relaxing and I enjoy watching sunset at the beach. I just love the beautiful beautiful colors of the sky during this time.

✓ I would like to take a long walk along the beach. I find the sound of the waves relaxing, and I enjoy watching the sunset at the beach. I just love the beautiful colors of the sky at that time.

Add the definite article 'the' before 'sunset.' Remove the duplicated 'beautiful.' Use a more natural time reference 'at that time' or 'during that time.' Add a comma before 'and' joining independent clauses.

× Last umm, yesterday I went to umm Mongo just to do errands.

✓ Yesterday I went to Mongo just to run errands.

Redundant 'Last' with 'yesterday' should be removed. Use the idiomatic verb 'run errands' rather than 'do errands.' Remove filled pauses.

× So I did buy my umm umm. Bathing essentials and I went to Umm Jordan to.

✓ So I bought some bathing essentials, and I went to Jordan too.

Use simple past 'bought' rather than 'did buy' unless for emphasis. 'Some' is a natural quantifier before 'bathing essentials.' Replace 'to' at the end with 'too' to mean 'also.' Remove filled pauses and add a comma before the coordinating conjunction.