建筑— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and accurate. Start with a clear topic sentence (Yes/No + brief location), then give one or two specific supporting details using correct vocabulary and linking words. Avoid repetition and incorrect phrases (e.g. “high skies”, “the the”).

範例: Yes. I live near downtown Toronto, so there are many tall buildings close to my home. For example, you can see skyscrapers such as the Scotiabank and RBC towers. On weekends my friends and I often walk downtown to admire the architecture.

建議: Clarify frequency and avoid mixed metaphors. Use one clear topic sentence, then give specific details about when and why you take photos, using linking words (for example, because, especially in). Correct phrases like “hidden talents” may sound odd here—use “hobby” instead.

範例: Yes. I enjoy photographing buildings, especially the Toronto skyline. For example, I often take photos at sunrise or sunset because the light makes the skyscrapers look dramatic. I usually go out on Saturday evenings to capture the city lights.

建議: Be more factual and concise. Start with a direct answer, then add specific reasons why you want to visit (e.g. height, observation deck, views) and use linking words (because, for example). Avoid exaggeration and grammar errors (e.g. “one of the biggest building” → “one of the tallest buildings”).

範例: Yes. I would like to visit the CN Tower because it is one of the tallest buildings in Canada and offers spectacular views. For example, I want to go up to the observation deck to see the whole city and take photos, as many of my friends recommended it.

× Yes, as I live in Norfolk and it is really close to the part of downtown of Toronto.

✓ Yes, I live in Norfolk, and it is really close to the downtown part of Toronto.

The original sentence uses awkward prepositional phrasing 'part of downtown of Toronto.' Use 'downtown part of Toronto' or 'the downtown of Toronto.' Also remove redundant 'as' at the start; use a comma to join clauses for clarity. Suggestion: 'I live in Norfolk, and it is really close to the downtown part of Toronto.'

× There are high skies, skyscrapers near my home and me and my friends.

✓ There are skyscrapers near my home where my friends and I live.

'High skies' is incorrect usage; 'skyscrapers' alone conveys tall buildings. Also the pronoun order should be 'my friends and I' as the subject of 'live' or part of the clause. Remove redundancy and reorder for fluency. Suggestion: 'There are skyscrapers near my home where my friends and I live.'

× On weekends we do visit the downtown and we see taller buildings, the Scotiabank ones, the the Bank of Montreal and the RBC which are.

✓ On weekends we visit downtown and see taller buildings, like the Scotiabank towers, the Bank of Montreal and the RBC buildings.

Use simple present 'visit' and 'see' for habitual actions; 'do visit' is unnecessary here. 'Which are' is incomplete and redundant. Also fix article/word repetition ('the the') and use 'towers' or 'buildings' after bank names. Suggestion: 'On weekends we visit downtown and see taller buildings, like the Scotiabank towers, the Bank of Montreal and the RBC buildings.'

× Yes, photography is one of my hidden talents. I don't usually take photos, but when it comes to skyscrapers, I really like filming the Toronto skyline in the evening and the morning time as well.

✓ Yes, photography is one of my hidden talents. I don't usually take photos, but when it comes to skyscrapers, I really like filming the Toronto skyline in the evening and in the morning as well.

Replace 'the morning time' with 'in the morning' for idiomatic expression. Also include parallel prepositions 'in the evening' and 'in the morning' for balance. No modal needed; change improves fluency. Suggestion: '...filming the Toronto skyline in the evening and in the morning as well.'

× You know, you can capture the piece of the every Saturday eve and you could just capture all the buildings in it and I'll.

✓ You can capture a piece of every Saturday evening and include all the buildings in the shot.

Original sentence is fragmented and contains extraneous words ('the piece of the every Saturday eve', 'I'll' unfinished). Use 'a piece of every Saturday evening' or 'a snapshot of a Saturday evening' and remove the unfinished 'I'll.' Suggestion: 'You can capture a piece of every Saturday evening and include all the buildings in the shot.'

× Yes, as being a part of Toronto, I would really like to visit CN Tower as it is a part of my bucket list.

✓ Yes, being part of Toronto, I would really like to visit the CN Tower because it is on my bucket list.

'As being a part of Toronto' is awkward; 'being part of Toronto' is better. Use 'the CN Tower' with the definite article. Use 'on my bucket list' rather than 'a part of my bucket list.' Suggestion: 'Being part of Toronto, I would really like to visit the CN Tower because it is on my bucket list.'

× Also CN Tower, it is one of the biggest building, tallest building in whole of the world and the view from it, it's really mesmerizing as many of my friends had already visited.

✓ Also, the CN Tower is one of the biggest and tallest buildings in the world, and the view from it is really mesmerizing; many of my friends have already visited.

Use 'the CN Tower' with commas removed and combine adjectives correctly 'biggest and tallest buildings.' Use plural 'buildings' if comparing types, or rephrase to 'one of the tallest freestanding structures.' Use present perfect 'have already visited' to indicate past experience relevant now. Remove redundant 'it' and fix sentence run-on with a semicolon or split into two sentences. Suggestion: 'The CN Tower is one of the tallest buildings in the world, and the view from it is really mesmerizing; many of my friends have already visited.'