建筑— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and avoid filler words (uh, like). Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words to connect ideas and correct grammar (remove redundant phrases such as “because due to”).

範例: Yes, there are many tall buildings near my home. In my city, modern architecture and high population density have led to numerous high-rises; in fact, I can see over twenty from my window.

建議: Give a direct topic sentence and avoid repeating the same idea. Use linking words (for example, however) and provide a specific reason or brief example to support your preference.

範例: It depends on the building. For example, I enjoy photographing historical landmarks because they have interesting details and stories, but I usually skip ordinary modern buildings unless they have unusual design features.

建議: Provide a clear main choice and then add one specific supporting reason and a brief secondary example. Avoid informal phrases like “I don't have any chance” — use more natural alternatives. Limit yourself to two to three sentences.

範例: My top choice is to visit the Burj Khalifa in Dubai because I want to experience its observation deck and see the city from the world's tallest building. I would also like to explore historic European cities such as Edinburgh for their medieval architecture and atmospheric streets.

× Yes, there are so many tall buildings near my home because due to my city, our architecture is able to uh, build more tall buildings so there are so many.

✓ Yes, there are many tall buildings near my home because in my city our architecture allows us to build more tall buildings, so there are many.

Error: incorrect use of 'due to' with 'because' and awkward 'there are so many' repetition; 'due to my city' is ungrammatical and 'there are so many' is redundant. Suggestion: Use 'in my city' to express location, 'allows us to build' instead of 'is able to build', and avoid repeating phrases. Use 'many' rather than 'so many' for neutral tone.

× Like when I look outside of the window I see like more than 20.

✓ When I look out of the window, I see more than twenty.

Error: informal filler 'like' repeated and slight preposition issue 'outside of the window' is better as 'out of the window'; use numerals spelled out in formal speech. Suggestion: Remove filler words and use concise structure: 'When I look out of the window, I see more than twenty.'

× Actually, it depends on the building because like when it's, uh, historical building, of course I will take picture.

✓ Actually, it depends on the building, because when it's a historical building, of course I will take a picture.

Error: missing article before 'historical building' and before 'picture'; unnecessary fillers. Suggestion: Insert 'a' before singular countable nouns and remove fillers: 'when it's a historical building' and 'take a picture.'

× But if it's not like if it's a basic kind of building, I prefer not to take it.

✓ But if it's not—if it's just a basic kind of building—I prefer not to take a picture.

Error: incorrect pronoun 'take it' referring to 'picture' and missing article before 'picture'; sentence structure is awkward. Suggestion: Clarify the object: say 'take a picture' and use punctuation or conjunctions to improve flow.

× Yes, actually I like to see the Burj Khalifa building in Dubai, but I don't have any chance to go there.

✓ Yes, actually I would like to see the Burj Khalifa in Dubai, but I haven't had the chance to go there.

Error: 'like to see' can be acceptable but 'would like to see' is more natural for unrealized desire; 'any chance' with present tense is awkward—use present perfect 'haven't had the chance.' Also 'Burj Khalifa building' is redundant; 'Burj Khalifa' is sufficient. Suggestion: Use 'would like' and present perfect for experience/possibility: 'I haven't had the chance.'

× So, uh, that's my first choice.

✓ So that's my first choice.

Error: filler 'uh' unnecessary; otherwise sentence is fine. Suggestion: Remove filler for clarity.

× On the other hand, I like to see more European buildings.

✓ On the other hand, I would like to see more European buildings.

Error: 'like to see' suggests habitual action; for expressing desire to visit, 'would like to see' is more appropriate. Suggestion: Use 'would like' to indicate preference or desire.

× Like for instance in Edinburgh, there are so many historical buildings that I want to see before I die.

✓ For instance, in Edinburgh there are many historical buildings that I want to see before I die.

Error: redundant 'Like for instance' and informal 'so many'; word order slightly off. Suggestion: Use one introductory phrase ('For instance') and 'many' instead of 'so many' for neutral tone: 'In Edinburgh there are many historical buildings I want to see before I die.'