视图— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and avoid redundancy. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details (when/what you photograph, and why it matters). Omit fillers like “and so” and “thank you.” Use linking words (for example, because, such as) to improve coherence.

範例: Yes, I enjoy taking photos of different views because they remind me of places I’ve visited. For example, I often photograph coastal sunsets and mountain paths because the colors and atmosphere help me remember the mood of each trip.

建議: Provide a clear topic sentence and avoid unfinished thoughts. Remove unnecessary background detail (exact age unless relevant). Give a specific reason and one example, using linking words (because, therefore, for instance). Keep to 2–4 sentences maximum.

範例: I prefer rural views because I already live in a city and rural scenery is more novel to me. For instance, I enjoy photographing quiet villages and rice fields because the peaceful atmosphere contrasts with my everyday urban life.

建議: Give a concise direct answer, then add one or two specific reasons. Avoid hesitations and irrelevant occupation details unless tied clearly to the point. Use linking words (because, so, therefore) to connect ideas and provide a concrete example of what you admire abroad.

範例: I prefer views from other countries because foreign landscapes and cultural sites offer fresh perspectives. For example, I enjoy photographing temples and street markets abroad because they reveal local traditions I can later describe to my students.

× Yes, I do like taking pictures of different views because it would remind me someday that I have been here for a while and it amazes me how much a picture can hold memories throughout my journey.

✓ Yes, I do like taking pictures of different views because they remind me later that I have been there for a while, and it amazes me how much a picture can hold memories from my journey.

The sentence mixes conditional/modal 'would' with a general habitual statement; use simple present 'remind' for habitual effects. 'Someday' is awkward with 'have been here for a while' so 'later' or 'in the future' fits; 'here' should match perspective so 'there' refers to places visited. Also plural 'they' agrees with 'pictures'. Use 'from my journey' rather than 'throughout my journey' for clarity.

× And so that's why I love taking pictures of different views wherever I go.

✓ That's why I love taking pictures of different views wherever I go.

Beginning with 'And so' is redundant. Remove the conjunction for a cleaner sentence. The sentence is otherwise grammatical.

× Well, As for me, I would prefer rural areas because I live in an urban area and that is the usual things and the usual views I see every day of my life for 28 years already.

✓ Well, as for me, I prefer rural areas because I live in an urban area and those are the usual things and views I have seen every day for the past 28 years.

Use simple present 'prefer' for current preference rather than 'would prefer' which implies conditional. 'As' should not be capitalized in mid-sentence. 'That is the usual things' is ungrammatical: use plural 'those are the usual things and views'. 'I see every day of my life for 28 years already' is awkward; use present perfect 'have seen every day for the past 28 years' to indicate a continuing situation.

× So I'd prefer a rural view because I don't see it quite often and if.

✓ So I prefer rural views because I don't see them very often.

Remove the unfinished fragment 'and if.' Use simple present 'prefer'. Match number: 'rural views' and 'them'. Use 'very often' rather than 'quite often' if intended; both work but 'very' is clearer. Eliminate trailing incomplete clause.

× I'd prefer views from a different country aside from my country because I love seeing new culture, new heritage from different countries that I don't live in and that is uh.

✓ I prefer views from other countries besides my own because I love seeing new cultures and heritages from places where I don't live.

Use simple present 'prefer'. 'Aside from my country' is awkward; 'besides my own' is natural. 'New culture, new heritage' needs plural 'cultures and heritages' to match 'different countries'. 'From different countries that I don't live in' is ungrammatical; use 'from places where I don't live'. Remove filler 'and that is uh.'

× Since I'm a teacher though, umm, I can give insights to my students that I have experienced.

✓ Since I'm a teacher, I can give my students insights from my experiences.

Streamline fillers 'though, umm'. Use 'give my students insights' rather than 'give insights to my students' for natural word order. 'That I have experienced' is wordy; 'from my experiences' is clearer and grammatical.