音乐— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more natural and precise: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid vague phrases like "tends to feel the mood" and "just sort of," and limit to max 4–5 sentences. Add a specific reason and brief example using a linking word to improve coherence.

範例: I prefer listening to happy music because it lifts my spirits and helps me stay motivated. For example, upbeat pop songs keep my energy up when I study or exercise. Because they boost my mood, I find it easier to focus and enjoy tasks.

建議: Avoid filler words ("just," "you know") and repetitive ideas. Give a concise topic sentence, then one clear supporting detail and an example. Use linking words like "because" or "therefore" to connect ideas logically.

範例: Yes. Happy music often makes me feel more excited because upbeat rhythms increase my energy levels. For instance, when I listen to lively songs before studying, I feel more alert and can concentrate better.

建議: Structure the answer with a clear topic sentence and concise supporting detail. Remove repetition and uncertainty ("I think"). Give specific information (which instrument or type of class, exact number if certain) and one linking phrase to show cause.

範例: Yes, I took piano lessons as a child, but I had to stop after five summer lessons because the school year began and my academic schedule became too busy. As a result, I couldn't continue formal lessons.

建議: Good structure and specific examples—tighten language and avoid redundancy ("energetic or happy or upbeat"). Use one linking word to contrast uses and keep within 3–4 sentences for conciseness.

範例: Yes. For example, I listen to calming instrumental music while studying to help me focus, but I play upbeat, energetic songs when doing chores to stay motivated and lift my mood.

× I prefer listening to happy music because it tends to feel the mood.

✓ I prefer listening to happy music because it tends to lift the mood.

The original uses 'feel the mood' which is not a correct collocation; 'lift the mood' or 'improve the mood' are appropriate. This is a word choice/verb phrase issue related to use of present participle 'listening' correctly but needing a proper verb phrase after 'tends to'. Use 'lift' to convey increasing positivity.

× I also like listening to it whenever I'm studying or doing something because it just sort of helps me and sometimes distracts me in a good way.

✓ I also like listening to it whenever I'm studying or doing something because it sort of helps me and sometimes distracts me in a positive way.

Placement and choice: 'just sort of helps me' is informal and 'in a good way' is awkward here. Moving 'sort of' before 'helps' improves flow and replacing 'in a good way' with 'in a positive way' is clearer and more formal. This fixes adverb placement and word choice.

× And then, you know, wherever I hear or listen to happy music, I feel energized.

✓ And then, you know, whenever I hear happy music, I feel energized.

Redundant verbs 'hear or listen to' are unnecessary; 'hear' or 'listen to' alone suffices. Also 'wherever' suggests physical locations; 'whenever' (time) fits better. This corrects incorrect word choice of pronoun/adverbial connector.

× I feel more actually concentrated in doing things.

✓ I actually feel more focused when doing things.

'Concentrated' is not commonly used with 'feel' in this context; 'focused' is the correct adjective. The adverb 'actually' fits better before 'feel'. Replace 'in doing things' with 'when doing things' for natural present tense phrasing.

× Yes, when I was a kid, but unfortunately I wasn't able to continue that because here the Philippines really had a tight schedule when it comes to academics.

✓ Yes, when I was a kid, but unfortunately I wasn't able to continue because schools in the Philippines had a very tight academic schedule.

'Here the Philippines' is awkward; use 'schools in the Philippines'. 'When it comes to academics' is informal and slightly misplaced with past tense—change to 'had a very tight academic schedule' to match past context. This corrects tense consistency and phrasing.

× So during the summer time, I only took I think 5 lessons.

✓ So during the summer, I think I only took five lessons.

'Summer time' is less natural than 'summer'; word order 'I only took I think 5 lessons' is awkward. Move 'I think' before 'I only took' and write numbers as words in formal writing. This fixes article/phrase use and clarity.

× And then after that, I wasn't able to continue it because the school, the classes started already.

✓ After that, I couldn't continue because school had already started.

Redundant 'the school, the classes' is incorrect; use 'school had already started' for natural past tense. Also use 'couldn't' or 'wasn't able to' consistently. This corrects article and redundancy issues.

× For example, when I'm studying, I like to listen to calming music. Or when I'm doing chores at a house, I like to play energetic or happy or upbeat music to keep me energized or to lift up the mood.

✓ For example, when I'm studying, I like to listen to calming music. Or when I'm doing chores at home, I like to play energetic, happy, or upbeat music to keep me energized and lift the mood.

'At a house' is incorrect; use 'at home'. 'Lift up the mood' is awkward—'lift the mood' is natural. Also use commas to separate adjectives and 'and' to combine purposes. This fixes preposition misuse and improves adjective coordination.