硬币— Part 1 評分報告

建議: 문장이 자연스럽지 않고 문법·어휘 실수가 있습니다. 질문에 직접 답한 후 간단한 이유를 명확히 제시하세요. 불필요한 반복을 줄이고 연결어(for example, because)를 사용해 논리를 강화하세요. 또한 브랜드 이름은 정확하게 표기하고 한두 문장으로 답변을 유지하세요.

範例: I rarely use coins nowadays because most people pay with mobile apps such as Kakao Pay or Samsung Pay. For example, I usually tap my phone when I buy coffee or take a taxi, so I hardly need physical coins.

建議: 내용은 적절하지만 발화가 불필요한 ‘uh’로 끊기고 브랜드 철자 오류가 있습니다. 문장을 더 명확히 하고 연결어(However, because)를 사용해 대조를 분명히 하세요. 구체적 예시를 추가하면 더 좋습니다.

範例: Using coins can be convenient for small purchases, for example when using vending machines or paying bus fares. However, these days people usually prefer payment apps like Kakao Pay because they are faster and more secure.

建議: 답변은 개인적 경험을 잘 담고 있으나 문법(과거 형태, 불필요한 반복)과 어순 오류가 보입니다. 감정을 표현할 때는 정확한 형용사를와 문장 구조(Subject + verb + object)를 지키세요. 구체적 에피소드 한두 문장으로 정리하세요.

範例: Yes, I collected coins in a pig-shaped money box when I was a child. I saved them to buy snacks and to play games at arcades, and I felt happy bringing coins with me because it meant I could buy treats.

建議: 문장이 혼란스럽고 시제·어휘 선택 오류가 많습니다. 현재와 과거를 구분해 명확히 답하고, 이유를 간단히 덧붙이세요. 불명확한 표현(‘color systems’, ‘rare stores’) 대신 정확한 단어를 사용하세요.

範例: I used to carry coins when I was a child because most payments were made with cash. Nowadays I rarely carry coins because many shops accept card or mobile payments, so coins are not necessary.

× They also cashier or can cash and coins are necessary for daily purchases. We.

✓ They also use cash, and coins are necessary for some daily purchases.

Original sentence misuses 'cashier' (a noun/verb) and has fragmented structure. Use 'use cash' to express the action. Combine clauses into a clear sentence: 'They also use cash, and coins are necessary for some daily purchases.' This fixes verb choice and sentence structure.

× Uh, using coin can be convenient, uh, especially when we need some small changes for vending machines or buses.

✓ Uh, using coins can be convenient, especially when we need small change for vending machines or buses.

Use plural 'coins' for general reference. Also 'small change' is an uncountable noun phrase (not 'small changes'). Replace 'some small changes' with 'small change'.

× But in these days, people prefer using, uh, payment apps like Cacao pay, so uh.

✓ But these days, people prefer using payment apps like Kakao Pay.

Change 'in these days' to 'these days' and correct the app name and remove filler. 'Prefer using' is acceptable; ensure proper noun 'Kakao Pay' is spelled correctly.

× Yes, I collected coin in a pig shaped Money Box.

✓ Yes, I collected coins in a pig-shaped money box.

Use plural 'coins' for multiple items. Use past tense verb 'collected' is correct. Hyphenate 'pig-shaped' as a compound adjective and use lowercase for 'money box'.

× Umm I I collected the coins to buy some snacks and uh to play in arcade game rooms and it was very happy to carry or bring coins to.

✓ I collected the coins to buy snacks and to play in arcade game rooms, and I was very happy to carry coins with me.

Original sentence is fragmented and ungrammatical: 'it was very happy' incorrectly uses 'it'. Use 'I was very happy' and 'carry coins with me' to express personal feeling and purpose. Remove redundant words.

× When I was a child, I have to carry coins because there is no color systems, no transaction, uh, the only payments is for coins.

✓ When I was a child, I had to carry coins because there was no card system or electronic transactions; the only payment method was coins.

Shift 'have to' to past 'had to' to match 'When I was a child'. Use singular 'card system' and 'electronic transactions' and correct subject-verb agreement: 'the only payment method was coins.'

× But nowadays, uh, there is rare, umm, stores who receive coins, so we have to.

✓ But nowadays, there are very few stores that accept coins, so we have to...

Use 'there are' for plural 'stores' and 'very few' instead of 'rare'. Use 'accept coins' instead of 'receive coins'. The sentence ends with an ellipsis indicating trailing off; complete if needed.

× They also cashier or can cash and coins are necessary for daily purchases. We.

✓ They also use cash, and coins are sometimes necessary for daily purchases.

Duplicate of earlier but providing alternate clearer phrasing: replace 'cashier or can cash' with 'use cash' and add 'sometimes' for nuance. Fix sentence fragmentation and verb choice.

× I collected coin in a pig shaped Money Box.

✓ I collected coins in a pig-shaped money box.

Use plural 'coins' and correct preposition 'in' is fine; main errors were plurality and hyphenation. Ensure consistent casing: 'money box' lowercased.